Lost In Love

Received a call from a longtime friend, Jerry, over the weekend. Told me of his breakup with his girl friend, Mandy. I was quite surprised to hear that as they have been together for so long (about 9 years) that we (his friends) were expecting to attend their wedding any time now. But sometimes, things just don't go the way we wanted. In his case, his ex has found somebody else better (at least he is in her eyes). Though I don't know Mandy very well, she has always appeared to be a decent and caring girl on the few occasions when we had our gathering. But people change and sometimes the change could be quite unexpected and without any warning.

It seemed that Mandy has fallen for somebody at her office, a new colleague in fact. Though they have only been together for a few months, it was long enough for her to make the decision to leave my 'uncaring' friend. She claimed that she felt cared for when the new guy showered her with his care and concern. After much probing, I realised that Jerry had made one major fault that is common in longtime relationship - to take the other person for granted. Having been with her for nine years, he thought that she has understood his feelings for her and feels that there is no need for him to reinforce his feelings for her. But he fails to realise that most, if not all, women need the reassurance from their partners, especially from those whom they love. This is even more so for married couple but somehow the husbands seemed to have forgotten that and that explained for the high divorce rate in Singapore.

Consoled Jerry by saying that at least Mandy has a change of heart before they got marry or the situation could have got messier. Though he agreed with me, he was still not able to accept or even believe that it's really over between him and Mandy. Having spent so much time together, he couldn't understand why she found the new comer a better husband than him. He has been her everything, her world (at least he thought he was) until his appearance. I told him that the length of a relationship doesn't guarantee the life span of the relationship. Sometimes, the longer we know a person, the more we understand that person; the more we understand the person the more we realise that we are not comparable. Sound contradicting? Perhaps but that's life and we all go through some failed relationships along the way.

It has never been and will never be an easy task to understand another human being regardless of the amount of time spent together. We are all creatures with emotions and sometimes we can be as unpredictable as the weather. And when we do get caught in such a storm, we tend to react to it emotionally and ended up hurting the relationship. It will take a very forgiving person to be able to tolerate all his/her friends' and relatives' imperfections so as to maintain a lasting relationship. Anyway, nothing last forever so why insist on a ever lasting relationship? How many couples can truly live happily ever after?

Evetually tried to cheer Jerry up by advising him not to see his loss as a failure but rather as a gain in valuable lesson on human relationship. Though it will take quite a while for him to get over Mandy and to carry on with life, one will never know when he is going to meet his Ms Right. To lose a loved one is always a painful and helpless experience but it's also a feeling that we all can't avoid experiencing at one time or another. The main thing is not to let this feeling stop us from living the kind of life that we ought to lead. Thus, whether it's a lost or a gain, depends greatly on how the affected person choose to see it.

"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning."

"Reality is the beginning not the end."

"One faces the future with one's past."